Society

Many many many things perturb me... sleep, or rather lack of sleep; waking up, or rather not waking up; exercise, or rather not exercising; and the list goes on...

I'm also bothered or wondering or whatever if it's wrong to be anti-social... well not exactly that, perhaps "anti-social" isn't quite what I was looking for...and maybe "wrong" isn't right either... (no pun intended) Part of it is that I hate how society tries to stuff you into a mold, as if that is the only way to be.

Mmmmmm... la vita e bela...

I wanted to get out and start working on some new paintings/drawings so I drove up to the Blues (or is it the foothills?) just east of the state-line. It was awesome. Dirt roads, fields, valleys, trees, and fresh air. I think I saw a lynx, but I didn't get a good look so I'm not sure. And the sunset was truly incredible. The towns in the valley were small and distant and the sun set through gold-rimmed clouds of purble and pink with the sky fading through aqua and blue. I could even see the Snake River winding away in the distance, just under the sunset. I didn't have time to do much else but sketch out the composition before it started getting dark. I'll have to paint it later.

I love those moments of peaceful solitude. I wonder what life would be like without such pauses for fresh air...

Isn't life strange?

Life is such an eclectic assortment of experiences. There is an odd mix of bittersweet moments that sometimes makes you wonder whether tears are a thing of intense joy or intense sorrow. Tears seem to cloud the eyes while they clear the heart. Strange, eh.

I don't usually have one of those intense moments. I certainly didn't have one today. (Sorry for any build-up...) But today was one of those good-aftertaste days. It didn't seem the best as it began, or went on, but it ended nicely. Hanging out with friends, new and old, is really nice. I suppose I ought to do it more often.

Profound

I couldn't think of anything particularly profound so I decided to put some quotes that I personally find meaningful...

The impression forces itself upon one that men measure by false standards, that everyone seeks power, success, riches for himself, and admires others who attain them, while undervaluing the truly precious thing in life.
~Sigmund Freud~

There can be no knowledge without emotion. We may be aware of a truth, yet until we have felt its force, it is not ours. To the cognition of the brain must be added the experience of the soul.
~Arnold Bennett~

The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt.
~Thomas Merton~

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain but for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved but hope for the patience to win my freedom.
~Rabindranath Tagore~

C'est la vie, mon ami...

(that is life, my friend)

Today has been one of those days... Been thinking about a lot of unpleasant things.

Heard about how that girl died. Tragic. One of those horrible things that could have been easily averted. Makes it worse, I think; knowing that something small would have made a world of difference.

And I've been getting more annoyed about my summer roommate. If it's not enough that he takes all the dishes (they're not just dirty, they've vanished) now I've noticed that he's been eating my cereal and drinking my milk. Okay, I'd understand if he didn't have any food or something, but he has his own cereal and milk. Why's he using mine!? So now all my milk is gone. I only had two bowls of cereal and milk before my bowl disappeared... GRRRRRRR! Yes, and he hasn't paid me for any of the electric yet...and he still doesn't clean up after himself; spilled stuff all about the kitchen...

I'm really not sure what to do about it. We have no rapport since he's a worse hermit than I (I hope that's all it is, maybe he's really plotting to make me go insane). And I'm a little nervous about barging in and losing my cool, but if I wait much longer without doing anything I'll for sure lose my cool. *sigh* ...if only people could be better people, then this wouldn't even be a problem...

Of course it wouldn't be a full day if I didn't do some introspecting. Which feels like a mistake. Now I'm trying to figure out how I can be less easy going. But it's true. Sometimes I'm too worry free about life, irresponsible, procrastinating, spontaneous, mischievious, detached, whatever you want to call it... If I'm not more careful, it'll be the little things in life that trip me up. Yup, just I wait and see, one of these days I'm going down!.

4Runner

Ah, 4Runner, how beautiful? I drove to Palouse Falls this afternoon for a hike. It was fun. Tyler and Kristy and Michael (those Davis Street people) came with me. It was fun. It was warm. We skipped rocks after we climbed down to the bottom. We climbed up to the falls and threw rocks down (quite a drop). It was fun. The driving was fun too. I think my 4Runner gets around 20 mpg on the highway. Much much better than city driving. There were a lot of critters crossing the road on the way back. Had to avoid bunches of pheasants and a deer. Kept things interesting. Also, I'm digging my CD player. It goes great with the sound system so far. Muchly enjoying the whole mp3 CD idea. Plenty good music for any trip. I should plan a road trip some time. Maybe go to Yellowstone and Teton. Or up to my home-and-native-land. Well, of course I'll be doing that eventually. But I digress, slightly, I like my 4Runner; what else to say?

Radio

Installed my new Radio/CD/Mp3/Aux player in my 4Runner this afternoon. Took a rather long time. I thought that I hadn't hooked up the rear speakers correctly and spent a couple hours testing wires and whatnot. It seems that I had it right the first time but there wasn't enough power for the amp or something weird. It worked fine once I ran the engine. Makes little sense. The important thing is that it works great! So now I can listen to mp3 CDs or plug in an auxilary source (like an iPod, if I had one), or just listen to the radio. I need to get a new antenna, perhaps. Though the broken one doesn't do tooo bad...I guess.

I think I'll change the oil/filter/air filter etc on Sunday. Give it a thorough check-up. Grease all the shafts. Check the oil in the differentials. Fix the passenger-side key lock. Anything else I can think of.

I'm glad it's the weekend. Hiking tomorrow, for sure. Even if nobody else wants to come. I need to find out what parks are closed due to the fires. Better yet, I need to find out what parks are open! It should be a good Sabbath, at any rate. I'm glad it's the weekend!

Camping

Well, no camping this weekend. At least, plans for camping are cancelled. Now I don't know what I'll be up to... Maybe biking. I need a bike rack. The Thule Parkway 4-Bike rack #956 looks nice. I'll have to see if I can get it anywhere for cheap or free. Free is always nice. Doesn't usually happen unless somebody is randomly getting rid of stuff.

Maybe I won't need a bike rack. I could duct tape my bike to my 4Runner. Or use a safety pin! ...or maybe I'll just have to get a bike rack... it'd be worth it, I think.

"New" car

Ah the joys of buying a car. Stupid taxes. Nevertheless, I like my "new" 4Runner. I do need to do a little work on it. The rear dome light doesn't work for some reason. It doesn't seem to be burnt out and the fuse is fine. Anyway, various things to work on. Nothing really serious.

I'm liking it so far. Been enjoying having manual transmission. Need to drive it more to get the smooth, seemless, silk-like shifting. Fun! I wish there was snow to play in, though...

Drive-In Movies

Lazy Sunday. Yesterday was nice. The sermon at church was societally utillitarian, I ended up doing some scripture searches (more about that later?). The afternoon was an improvement. I slept. In a hammock. Thus part of my inspiration for making one, though I've been meaning to for a while. I'd like to make one that doesn't squeeze you so you're shoulders are in your face. Shouldn't be too difficult, methinks. The evening was fun. Went to the drive-in with about 15 people and we piled into the back of one big F350 when we got there. I had troubles getting my sound system to work right. Or more specifically the radio reception was bad. Too much interference. Finally got it to work alright for the second feature.

They were showing Fantastic Four and Stealth. Two rather predictable movies. I'd say that Fantastic Four had a lot of potential, but the director and screenwriter didn't try to stretch at all. It's sad that, just because it's based on a comic, people don't seem to strive for depth. And I'm really getting tired of the typical superficial megalomaniac villain. When will they learn? Stealth wasn't much better, really. A little more development stuff going on but nothing spectacular. Some of it was over the top, especially the side-arm "what's-her-name"--it's sad that I only remember Tinman/Edi/Uacav and Henry's names--was using after she bailed. I suppose a fully automatic "pistol" with unending ammo like that just goes along with the rest of the movie. I guess a pilot's survival kit doesn't need anything but a very large gun. Obviously I could go on about that... Anyway, there was one scene transition that I liked where it went from a pan down into the ocean to a pan up from the floor of the carrier. I liked that. Edi was kind of neat too, but he wasn't too much different from other movie artificial intelligences. Well I hope this isn't a major spoiler for anyone who hasn't seen these yet. These movies are alright but not worth full ticket price at a cinema. (...but if you haven't seen The Island, I'd recommend it. It has broad appeal and intellectual stimulation... I'd recommend War of the Worlds only it has a lot of sci-fi gore. Not broad appeal material. It's main draw is the take on the human condition and behaviour in crisis. Worthwhile if you're not squeamish and can get past the visual shock value.)

Moving on. I cleaned the floors today. It's been driving me crazy how my summer roomate spills stuff everywhere and doesn't clean up. I don't even know how he does it since I rarely even see him around. Oh well. I have a mop now. I probably won't need it much if I get a more conscientious roomie. *sigh* It's not exactly like he's a bad guy, I just don't believe it occurs to him that other people might be inconvenienced by his negligence, or him taking all the cups...! Well, there's my rant for the day.

4 Wheels

Lately whenever I go to post, I can't think of anything to write. Of course I usually think to post right before I got to sleep, or when I get up in the morning. Times when my mind is generally a bit fuzzy. Things are good. I'm going to be purchasing a '94 Toyota 4Runner on Monday. I'm excited! I hope this turns out to be a good vehicle. I got the price down by $1500 from what the owner originally listed. I plan to put some of the money I saved back into ensuring everything is working perfectly and putting a CD player in (what's a car without a CD player!?).

So that makes me happy. I like toys. Incidentally, I have awesome parents. Not because they're helping me pay for this, though I definitely appreciate that too, but because they're not doting push-overs. Perhaps doting somewhat at times with parental nagging and oodles of seemingly extraneous advice and overburdening worrisomeness, but not push-overs. They come through when I really need them and they're looking out for me even if they're not perfect. They're awesome, what can I say?

On a different note, from observation and contemplation, I think I've figured out one of the key component's to making a love relationship work; I think it's compatible priorities. Interests and personalities and all the rest are subordinate to whether or not you value the same things. That's going to be annoying someday (when I actually get into a serious relationship?) since I'm not really sure what my priorities are. The only things I can think of are family--even though I've been at odds with my family from time to time they're a big part of my life--and God--who I've also been at odds with at times, but what would I do without Him? Other than that I'm not sure about much. Not much of an idea what I want to do with my life. I have no goals, only dreams...

Yeah, so life is continuing in a forward direction. Next thing on my to-do list is sleep. Mmmmm, sleep... Next week I'll look into making a hammock, that would be nice. And I ought to employ my sewing machine with making a snowboard bag. I hope there's lots of snow this winter (I'll be glad when I get back to a country that believes in white winters). Yeah, why am I still writing? I need sleep. I'm bad with transitions. From writing to sleeping; where's the "submit" button? Oh, there it is...

Complicated?

My stack of pennies isn't high enough yet. Let's see if I can borrow some? ...I feel like a kid trying to get an advance on his allowance...

*sigh* If only I was done with school. If only I had a "real" job. Not that I want a "real" job...it's just that they theoretically pay more. I don't know how that works, it's just a theory. Maybe I just need to learn to be happy with nothing, then I wouldn't need to work much, wouldn't need to go to school, could sit and watch the world unfold.

Life is mostly too complicated, really. Take 'love' for instance. Romantic love is comparable to a chemical imbalance observed in people who have an obsessive/compulsive disorder. That's a truly unsettling thought. As if you could administer medication to "take care of that love problem you've got..." I suppose it's absurd. Yeah, especially considering the layers of love. Superficially it is about chemistry, biology, attraction, the clothes you wear, the car you drive... (now I'll have to wonder if possessing an automobile is fundamentally some kind of primping activity, compensation for bad tan lines etc.)

Beyond the superficial, love is deep. Like a hole in the ground. If you fall into it, you just don't know what will come of it. Maybe you'll discover a bat cave underneath the Wayne mansion and turn into a masked superhero. Alternately, you could simply break some bones and get a concussion. If you dig deep enough you might find diamonds, but if the time isn't right maybe all you'll get is coal. It's a mystery to me; one that tends to elicit cynicism.

How did I end up on this horrible tangent? Oh yes. Life is complicated. That's not so bad actually. It makes things interesting. Life Is Beautiful Every day, somewhere, a flower blossoms or a rainbow hangs in the sky.

Ah, it's this album... it's making me wistful, contemplative... but I need to go to sleep. This week is just my week of grasping at moonbeams and chasing rainbows. Next week I'll look for something constructive to do. Like sleep when it's night.

Pennies

Fingers crossed. Maybe I'll have wheels by the end of the week? A likely story, huh? Just need to collect all my pennies together and see how high they stack! Well, time will tell.

Poetry

Why do I write poetry
How does it change the world
You tell me it sounds nice
Do you really mean it
Or is it just something nice to say.
I like the way the words sound
When I read them to myself
Reading silently the rhythm
It resonates with the shapes
The swirls of ink on the page
Each black line makes a sound
Poetry of the flowing pen
Out of the pen flows poetry
Effortless and straining for meaning
The paradox captivates me.
Released from meaning
You tell me it sounds nice

Chocolate Factory

I just watched Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. I've no clue what to think of it. Most of it is terribly like the original, Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory. In this remake, the Oompa-Loompas are just odd--they are clones--well I suppose the original Oompas were odd too. This movie was pretty weird. I think I wasted my $8. It wouldn't be so bad if I weren't comparing it to the 1971 movie. I did like Johnny Depp's performance, somewhat different from Gene Wilder. Cracks me up. Still, if I'd known ahead of time, I'd have waited till it came out as a rental.

Haiku

silent echo
the forgotten dream stirs
morning breaks the night

I think I'm stuck on haiku. Momentarily.

frozen tear
falls, shatters
broken heart beats no more

That one is old. A cynical me. I like the imagery though.

frozen tear falls
letting go the broken flowers
renewed by spring rains
tomorrow rises from yesterday's ashes

Maybe that isn't connected too well. Whatever. Moving on.

I suppose I enjoy poetry because it's like painting with words. Of course not all of my paintings work out either. Sometimes the imagery works and sometimes it's just a mess of awkward shapes and haphazard colours. Whatever. Moving on.

Last night was too warm. If it's that bad again I'll use the airconditioning. Usually leaving the window open at night is enough. Closed during the day, of course. Strange that I was thinking Walla Walla heat to be more bearable than Port Elgin or even Toronto heat. At least it's not humid here.

Lateral

So much for sleep. It's too warm.
So much for writing. I'm too tired.

a haiku
the words spill
free at last

I suppose somebody will say that a haiku must conform to the 5-7-5 syllable form. But I shall retort that a haiku that conforms to the 5-7-5 form might as well be in Japanese as well. A "haiku" is simply verse, why the complexity?

twilight
unconsciously awakens
the sleeping mind

When I'm tired my mind makes odd connections. Perhaps not unlike a semi-lucid dream. Within this frame of reference things seem to be consistent; the irrational makes sense as if the root of negative one were a real number. Maybe it is a real number...somewhere...(in my imagination)...

realization
straight road of reason
known and boring

clinging frightened
familiar logic fades to pink
tickles the mind

sideways irrational
open the walls of mediocrity
free from the familiar

There is a tendency to shy away from risk, from the unknown, from pretty much anything unfamiliar. There is safety in what I know; to stray into unchartered lands of unencountered experiences poses unknown hazards and uncalculable risks. It's scary. I'm more scared (appalled?) of the idea of life becoming stale; of not taking any risks. Surely life is about growing. It seems like a greater risk to be alive yet not be living. Sure there's mistakes and pains and heartaches and regrets and all the rest but there's also discovery and joy and wonder and reward. If someone gives you a basket of fruit and half of it is rotten, eat the half that is good; even if bad things are given to you, you don't have swallow all of it. Make the good things in life a part of you, discard the bad.

Strange tangents. Who's listening? Don't know. Need sleep.